What Is Ghosting?
Ghosting is when someone you’re dating (or talking to) suddenly cuts off all communication without warning, explanation, or closure. One day, you’re exchanging texts and planning dates, and the next, complete silence.
It’s frustrating, confusing, and can leave you questioning what went wrong. But here’s the truth: ghosting usually says more about them than it does about you.
- Esther Perel: A renowned couples therapist, Perel has addressed ghosting in her work. She has been cited as calling ghosting a "manifestation of the decline of empathy in our society".
- Dr. Ramani Durvasula: A clinical psychologist and author of the book Should I Stay or Should I Go, has spoken about the profound emotional effects of being ghosted, stating that it can leave a person feeling "discarded" and "expendable". She points out the need for certainty and when it isn’t available, disappearing seems like the only way out.
- Elizabeth Earnshaw: As a licensed marriage and family therapist, Earnshaw has counseled many clients dealing with the fallout of ghosting. She noted in a New York Times article that being ghosted causes people to question their reality and experience a "crisis of self-esteem".
- Pamela B. Rutledge PhD M.B.A: Discusses that there are two kinds of ghosting in her article, Ghosting; How to deal with digital disconnects. One addresses ringing a doorbell on Halloween and leaving a bag of treats. Unfortunately, the second addresses ghosting online or on dating apps where one simply disappears without reason. No treats.
Why Do People Ghost?
1. Avoidance of Conflict
Many people are very self-conscious about having direct conversations and fear disinterest. Instead of saying, “I don’t see this going anywhere,” they take the easier, though hurtful, path of disappearing.
2. Fear of Hurting Your Feelings
Ironically, ghosting often comes from a misguided attempt to be kind. The ghoster assumes no news is good news. The ghoster assumes silence will sting less than rejection words. In reality, being ignored and dismissed often hurts more than honesty.
3. Emotional Immaturity
Healthy relationships require clear communication. When someone ghosts, it often reflects a lack of emotional maturity or readiness for a real connection. They may not have the skills to handle uncomfortable emotions, either theirs or yours. Most ghosters are non-confrontational and dread delivering disappointing news about a relationship that was thought to be in good standing by the other person.
4. Overwhelm or Life Circumstances
Sometimes ghosting isn’t about you at all. Stress at work, mental health struggles, or personal challenges can cause someone to withdraw. Instead of explaining, they shut down completely. When we experience these kinds of challenges in life, one can stop caring about others and become self-absorbed and neglect the opportunity to grow a relationship.
5. Casual Intentions
For some, ghosting happens because they were never truly invested. Dating online over the past 20 years has created a serial dating mentality where many continue to look for the bigger, better deal. They begin to see a connection as casual or they’re juggling multiple matches. This leads to not feeling obligated to explain their exit.
Why Ghosting Hurts So Much
Ghosting doesn’t just end communication; it removes closure. Our brains naturally seek reasons, so silence can lead to self-blame, rumination, and lowered self-esteem. It taps into rejection sensitivity and leaves you with unanswered “what ifs.”
But remember: their silence is not proof of your inadequacy. It’s evidence of their inability (or unwillingness) to show up honestly.
How to Handle Being Ghosted
- Don’t Chase Silence: If someone disappears, resist the urge to double-text endlessly. One polite follow-up is fine, but continued pursuit rarely brings peace.
- Reframe the Experience: Ghosting is a red flag. It shows you how someone handles discomfort by running away. That’s not the foundation of a healthy relationship.
- Protect Your Self-Worth: Their choice reflects their communication style, not your value. Someone who’s truly interested will make the effort to stay present.
- Practice Directness in Your Own Dating Life: When you’re not interested, model the opposite of ghosting. A kind, honest message is a gift of clarity.
Final Takeaway
Ghosting is a modern dating frustration, but it’s not a reflection of your worth. At its core, ghosting reveals avoidance, immaturity, or lack of readiness on the other person’s part. Instead of internalizing the silence, use it as a filter: anyone who disappears without respect doesn’t deserve your energy.
Authentic love is built on communication, consistency, and care. Ghosting feels no responsibility in delivering any of the three.
AILO Intl. Inc. specializes in recognizing what couples need to stay engaged and enthused about being in others’ company. It’s not just about likes and dislikes. Human beings are very complicated, and understanding how to offer a balance of life in a relationship creates a long-lasting experience filled with Love. ” Try Ailo today”: Authentic. Intelligence. Love. Optimization.
References & Expert Sources
Be direct, kind, and brief. A simple message like: “I don’t feel a connection, but I appreciate the time we shared” offers clarity and respect. It takes courage but leaves the other person with dignity.
Remind yourself that ghosting is about their coping skills, not your value. Surround yourself with supportive friends, invest in self-care, and reframe ghosting as a filter, knowing it cleared space for someone who can show up authentically.
Because ghosting removes closure. Our minds naturally search for answers, and silence triggers self-doubt. A direct “no” may sting, but it allows you to heal and move on.
One polite follow-up is fine, something like, “Hey, just checking in. If you’re not interested, no worries, wishing you the best.” If they still don’t respond, don’t chase. Protect your dignity and move forward.
Not always. Ghosting doesn’t necessarily mean you weren’t attractive or interesting. It often points to their inability to communicate clearly, emotional unavailability, or personal life stressors.
Yes. Studies suggest that more than 50% of people have experienced ghosting in modern dating. While common, it’s not healthy communication and often reflects avoidance or lack of maturity.
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